Things I’ve Learned to Love in 2021.

I’ve always been a bit of a tight jeans girl.  Back in the seventies we would have to lie down on the bed, edging them up, bit by bit until finally use a coat hanger hook to help pull up the zipper. But mainly I like tight jeans because I have decent legs, a passable bottom and a fat stomach which I can squeeze into said jeans like sausage meat, cover it with a top and still look ok. Were they ever comfortable? I’m not sure. But they sure aren’t now. Not because I’m more generous of body, because the COVID kilos have come and gone, but because I have discovered the delights of the expandable waisted pant. Where has this been all my life?

the best thing about COVID

The track pant, the lounge pant, the knit pant, the jogger pant, the travelling pant (though where to I am not sure). They’re all the Banana characteristics wrapped up in a snuggly cuddle to my waistline. They’re kind to me, they don’t hurt. They’re patient; they never nag me to take them off. They’re generous, not minding if a bit more is stuffed in there from one day to the next. And they’re casual, wear me, don’t wear me, you won’t hurt my feelings. Not like the designer jeans who glare at you from the cupboard reminding you of what you spent on something that looked good on the mannequin.

And while we’re on things I haven’t missed the last couple of years, let’s talk about lipstick. We’ve saved a metric fucktonne on that stuff and my life has become less stressful. Because matte or gloss, lipstick always ends up on your teeth. It needs to be replenished constantly as food and drink and saliva wear it off. Unless you wear the long lasting stuff that stains your lips so much you look like you’ve been munching at the mulberry trough for days. Or what about the red lips that take a degree to learn to apply? Then you can’t eat anything, let alone kiss.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a mask lover. I challenge anyone to be a mask lover unless you’re at Venetian ball in a fab frock. But damn I’m loving the lack of lipstick. Papaya ointment, beeswax or even a smear of the old petroleum jelly and I’m ready to go.

And when your standard outing is the park or the local supermarket it doesn’t matter. You smile knowingly at other women as they stroll around Woolies, not with the pained expression of the fashionably dressed, but the with the contentment of one who has found themselves in an expandable pant.

Find out your preference for Apple, Mango, Lime or Banana, do the short Fruit Quiz.

Lynne’s books on Fruit personality styles and how they impact your relationships, are available at